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Ok Cupid became less of a hookup app and more of a—ew—relationship app.

Ok Cupid is no longer for one-night stands, thus the chance of instant sex is rare.

You don’t have to worry about people looking at you or judging you, and it’s totally normal to spend 20 to 30 minutes in there. My hairstylist, who had the beautiful name Sarah, informed me that true Hot Girls get the Mai Tai blowout, which is described as “messy, beachy hair.” It took over an hour for Sarah to give me this natural, effortless look. Although my curls became waves the next day and just messy the day after, it still looked good. In total, putting the effort in up front saved time in the long run. I'm constantly guilty of overdoing it: I use so much mousse that my hair becomes crunchy, or so much gel that it looks like my hair is perpetually wet.

I asked Sarah if having Hot Girl hair takes this much work every day. If you’re like me and you love showering, this might be hard, but it’s worth it if you want that Hot Girl look. She achieved my waves by following a simple formula.

“Those are two very different looks.” Luckily, she took pity on me and started pulling out products, preparing her weapons for the battle of my face.

I was expecting to have my face covered in hundreds of products.

But Di Sarro actually skipped the eyeliner pen entirely, instead outlining my eyes with the same soft shade she used on my eyelids. You don't want your lipstick to come off on every can of Mountain Dew.

I was led to a back room and introduced to MAC Regional Media Artist Ashley Di Sarro.

When Di Sarro asked me what look I was interested in, I replied, “I don’t know, Kylie and Kendall Kardashian.” She frowned.

and I'm not talking about sugar-free carbonated soft drinks.

We live in a fluff-free era—people know what they want and aren't afraid to express their opinion in ALL CAPS, followed by a series of passive-aggressive emojis. In hopes of answering your burning questions, here are 13 dating apps ranked (lovingly and subjectively) on how likely you are to end up takin' old one-eye to the optometrist.

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